I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You need Xanax blowdarts
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
