First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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