I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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