is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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