dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
