I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
