I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
