I wanna bring you to show and tell
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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