there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
