He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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