Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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