so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
