hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
