Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
