the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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