the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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