I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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