the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.