ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass