Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.