I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?