dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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