Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
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