All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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