i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
