Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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