honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
