So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
