I love black thongs
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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