Got a toothbrush?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
