its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
