Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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