My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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