operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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