So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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