I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
