I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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