where am i from again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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