I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
