you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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