so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
