does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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