Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This girl is more easily done than said...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
