Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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