would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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