TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
