Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
