I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
