So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
