I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
