She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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