Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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