Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
