Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
