you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
