I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he shaved USA in his pubs
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
