If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
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Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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