Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
