you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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