I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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