and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
