Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
