we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
