If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
