the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
