You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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