using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
