Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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