she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
worst night to have a conscience
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
