I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ugly people sure do ruin things
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
