his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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