Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
