people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
