Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
