Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
