Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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