Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
