did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Drunk is a universal language darling
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
