so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize